She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. I almost lost my identity and values. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. Its a selfish decision either way. Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. she knows im here for her. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. I thought she was the woman of my life, that I would do anything for her and I would but she simply doesnt want. Or sit down and plan something new to try. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? Dude, Dear Shady, It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. Good looking, good healthy cooking. My partner's negativity gets me down A happy, optimistic man is brought down by the relentless negativity of his partner. She wont tell me whats going on. deep thoughts in my head And they just keep dragging me down there down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so. I dont know what to do any more, Im losing to much sleep, my work is taking a toll and so is my health. And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. Break up. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. There is more to life than this, trust me. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. We read your comment, and we hear your frustration and unhappiness. Wow. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. Ive been there, multiple times. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. So he . The act of moving things out can be difficult to deal with. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. Every time we go out she freaks out. In the beginning of her depression I was able to make her feel better, but it was due to talking to her almost every waking hour in some form, and I would constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright. i dont know what to do. About me and my girlfriend! I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. Hi Greg, Dear Armand, I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. 10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy 1. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? She changed everything, she made me comfortable, like Ive found someone so much like me; melancholic, with same tastes and so. We were engaged. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. Assistir Sheffield Utd X Tottenham - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. Things are never as simple as you think. How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? 6. But every day she is more and more far away from me. she is unhappy with dating. We need ways to keep the flame and love alive. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. If so, you might get what's known as a tension headache from all the heated emotions. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. Shes most likely cheating already, I mean think about their history as if the ex hasnt tried to make a move on her. And he just feels like a failure and a burden onto everyone else to the point he has almost committed suicide twice. "Usually, there is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple," say Opperman. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. She losing her best friend to cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. Ching, I thank the universe for you, and you for your response. Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. It pisses me off. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her treatment plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. WE ARE ALL A PRODUCT OF OUR ENVIRONMENTS. I consider myself in recovery. We had ups and downs for almost a year till i realised that she is alcoholic, and sadlly that the day we met (which i consider the most romantic day i had) she had bottle of wine hidden in her bag. Peace, In other words man if you cant make a difference with ger,and just using you for attention move on. She no. If she is not, I would suggest you encourage her to begin therapy, in addition to the medication treatment. Thank you for reaching out. I feel like if I do shell ask why I havent been talking to her, she wont message me for atleast 2 days if I do. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. If, after years of treatment, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change. Learn how to be supportive if need be and get counseling yourself. Tomorrow my lady and I would be ten months not quite a year, but things have switched off lately. Am I codependent? She is also currently in therapy. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. I am not an expert in the world of women but if there is anything I have learned it is that women feel a whole range of emotions and only show/tell a few (or none). You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. Now dont get me wrong, I get shes depressed and I feel for her, but I used to never have outbursts in my relationship period, and by now, 8 years in, the only way to make her stop taking all of her aggressive-depression(not that shed get violent, but yell on the most absurd things)/anxieties on me is to stoop down to her level and shout back, which then makes me feel like a jerk, she (almost) never say sorry, and for everytime she yells at me, somehow at the end I have to apologize or shell frown at me forever (claiming everything is fine, but obviously is it) I Feel Helpless! For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. Someone might say, she cooks, cleans, is stunning and wants sex, what more do you want.. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. All efforts made on my part were in vain. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. Im so hurt lately, and she doesnt give it a mind, and she doesnt barely talk to me on the late days. Thank you for sharing. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. I love her, but she needs to help herself before she can focus on a relationship with me. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. Am I taking the wrong approach? If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. I take it this is detrimental to a persons feelings who has depression. She might even need help to physically move some of the bigger items out (like a couch). Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. I also have depression. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. My girlfriend and me have been together 8 months, we havent had regular sex in a month. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. You couldnt survive being a total mess a hundred years ago and Dragged Down. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. You have to tell her when she hurts you. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Software Full Name: Adobe Premiere Pro 2023. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. I dont know if you know Jesus, and sorry if I sound like a religious nutcase now but Im really trying to help you. But of course this isn't the case in an unhealthy relationship. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. Taken from Revenge Of The Goldfish. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. 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Build you up, be super supportive, and so did I. I almost lost my identity values...
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